The women in Charlene’s family have this motto: “No man is good enough for our Charlene”. And, as it turns out, I’m no exception. I’m REALLY on the outs with her older sister Blair. About six months ago, Blair made some outrageous claims that she saw me at the movies by myself when I was not. It would have probably been easier for me to have lied and said, “Yeah. Cat’s out of the bag. That was me,” but I vehemently denied it.
This, of course, led to Blair telling Charlene, “I don’t like him. He’s lying to you. He was there. I don’t think he’s the right kind of guy for you. I don’t approve of you seeing him.”
The worst part about it is that, as stupid as this whole ‘movie incident’ is, there’s a part of Charlene that believes I might have been at the movies that day – and every time we get into an argument she always resorts to saying, “You were at the movies that day, weren’t you?” Sigh.
Christmas with my family was a little different this year. No getting up early to stare at and open gifts. No greasy egg and bacon breakfast. No China buffet for lunch. None of that good stuff. Now that my brother Arnold got married to Tootie and moved an hour away, our Christmas activities were reduced to a late afternoon gift exchange followed by dinner and dessert.
The gifts this year were of a higher caliber than the gifts we exchanged last year. Meaning: no snuggies, no slippers, and no cheesy foot, back, or head massagers that only get one use before ending up in a closet. We gave each other real presents this year. That’s because all of the Jackson men (me, my brother, and my father) were all working in 2010. It’s not uncommon for one, or even two of us to have a job at the same time, but all three of us working is quite the phenomenon.
The big topic of conversation around the dinner table was “Baby Wolfgang”. Tootie, my brother’s wife, was due to pop him out on January 8th. She and my mother talked about aches, pains, tingling sensations, antacid, and what it’s to give birth. The Jackson men, on the other hand, discussed more important matters like movies, television, and the zombie apocalypse.
Before the night concluded, my brother Arnold asked if I could drive out to his place the next day and help him move some old furniture out to a dumpster.
“Sure,” I said.
We were due to get slammed by a huge blizzard the next day and my mother was appalled that my brother would ask me to drive all the way out there in bad weather. “If you go out there tomorrow you’re stupid,” my mother asserted.
The following morning I sent a text message to my brother that said, “I’m leaving now.”
He wrote back, “Word.”
I decided to take the juice van out there. The juice van is my company vehicle/big eyesore that I use for work. The van is about 16-feet long with a very colorful, attention grabbing graphic wrap on it. Totally not embarrassing to drive.
It started snowing as soon as I got on the road. “How bad could the roads get in a matter of a few hours?” I asked myself. I would soon find out.
I arrived safely at my brother’s apartment on time and without complication. “I’m surprised you came out in this today,” Tootie remarked.
“I told you he would come,” Arnold exclaimed. “The Jackson brother’s love driving in the snow.”
“So, what are we moving out of here?” I asked. Arnold led me into the spare bedroom and showed me a bookshelf and a computer desk. “That’s it?” I wondered. Arnold didn’t need my help. He could have moved it all by himself.
It didn’t take us long to move his old furniture out to the dumpster, but the snow seemed to be accumulating quickly. “It looks like it’s snowing out there pretty hard,” Tootie said with concern. “Are you guys still planning on going out to lunch?”
If I had a rational side, Iwould have said, “No. I should be getting back before the roads get too dangerous,” but instead I said, “I’m down for lunch.”
Arnold and I jumped in his brand new Subaru Forrester. “I finally get to test this bitch out in the snow!” Arnold touted. We set course to Red Robin and the roads weren’t looking like anything nice. “So, what did you need my help for, bro?” I asked Arnold as we cruised down the snowy roads. “You could have moved that stuff yourself.”
“I know,” he said. “But Tootie has been on my ass lately. She has a million things she wants me to do before Wolfgang is born and she wants it all done right this second. She kept asking me, ‘when are you going to get rid of that computer desk?’ and ‘when are you gonna’ get rid of that bookshelf?’ I didn’t feel like doing it right then so I said I had to wait for a day when you could come and help me.”
“Good thinking,” I said with laughter. “Good thinking!”
After lunch it was time to brave the road home. I wasn’t sure how well the juice van was going to perform in the snow – especially since I had bald tires and shoddy windshield wipers. Despite the slippery snow covered roads and the piss poor visibility, there was only one instance on the ride home where I thought I was going to have to abandon the juice van and hoof it the rest of the way back.
It took nearly three hours, but I finally made it. Zigzag and Charlene came tumbling down the stairs as soon as they heard the front door open. “I’m so happy you made it home!” Zigzag implied, tail wagging as she circled and licked and made half attempts to jump on me at the bottom of the stairs.
“I was very, very worried about you, pooh bear!” Charlene chimed in. “I’ve been waiting for you for hours.”
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